My Past, My Present and My Future...

Growing up, I can remember being a carefree child. I used to spin around really fast, then fall to ground and stare at the sky and watch the world turn really fast. I always wondered where the fast moving clouds were going too as I looked at the world go by. Kind of like when ever we went on any car trip, I would always wonder why either the moon or the stars and even sometimes the sun would follow us. Being a kid was awesome! I thought I was a normal kid, but now a days, what is considered normal? I was a straight tomboy too. My best friends were all boys. Instead of playing Barbies or playing house, our favorite games to play were games like ninja and cops and robbers. We occasionally played house; but instead of having a dad in the picture, my friends always played the sons as I played the mother. I used to always think that was weird that there was no dad our game. But then again, it was just a game.

Everything changed as I hit adolescence. What appeared to be normal was anything but. My world emotionally started to tumble when I reached the age of eleven. I saw my only brother who was sixteen years old at the time, go through a murder trial, be prosecuted as a adult and sentenced to two life sentences for that crime. It devastated my parents. Their only son, my only brother is gonna live mainly the rest of his life behind a wall secluded from his family. The sad part of it all, his participation in the crime was him just being there. My parents started to act kooky, and it seemed for awhile I was invisible. But after everything, my dad always made me feel better. I was very close to him. He was my world - my everything. Exactly two years later from the start of my brother's arrest, my father died in a tragic car accident. I was only thirteen. I thought my world fell apart. My grandma tried to pick up the pieces from my shattered state but one year and one day later from my dad's death, my grandmother past as well. I thought God was mad at me. I always asked: "Why did he take my family from me?" But now looking back, I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't gone through all that.

Everyday I look forward in loving and being with my family. I have five beautiful kids and a great husband. Of course our everyday lives isn't always rainbows and butterflies, but we manage. My husband and I want the best for our children, but what parent doesn't? We try and do the best for them and for us for that matter. They are my world now and one hug, one kiss and even just one smile from them brightens the worst of days for me. I don't know a greater love than what I have now and my everyday living is living for them.

I wonder what will become of my children? Of course I want one to be a doctor, one to be a lawyer, a firefighter, a teacher and one to be police officer. But of course they'll have their own dreams and all I can do is try and guide them in the right direction. I ask, when will I have grandchildren... and how many? Will I like my children's significant other or will I be a meddling mother - always in their business and relationships? As I look into the future, all I see is my children. They are my future. Hey, like the saying goes: "Be good to your children... They decide what nursing home to put you in." For now though, I'm striving for them. I plan on finishing school and getting my degree to become a paralegal. In the end though, everything I do is for my family. After all, they are my world and my everything.